Category Archives: funny

April 9, 2013 · 12:04 PM

BOILING BOILERS AND CRAZY HATS

I guess you should be careful what you wish for, or complain about. I noticed our heat stopped working a few days ago. I tried to play around with the thermostat and boiler switch but nothing worked. I had to call my Landlord (dad) to see if he could fix the problem, I told him not to rush as it’s supposed to be 70 out anyway. He stopped by while I was at work, when I opened my front door a gust of hot air slapped me in the face. He turned the thermostat to 50, but the heat didn’t shut off! I fiddled with it for 5 minutes and couldn’t get to turn off. I had to shut the emergency switch on my boiler.

My poor pup must have been hot in my 90 degree apartment all afternoon! He seemed okay though when I got in, my poor baby! The plumber came by about an hour after I called and he didn’t have the part on him to fix it that night, but at this point I was content with not having heat until next October! I really hope when I get home tonight, my apartment can be a normal temperature. As much as I wanted the warmer temps, I’ll pass on a boiling apartment!

I have Marathon Monday off, so I’m hoping the weather will be warm (BUT NOT TOO WARM!) so we can enjoy our walk down and beers along the marathon route. I hope I see a lot of runners with crazy hats because that was what I enjoyed most watching the marathon as a kid.

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February 15, 2013 · 7:15 AM

BLIZZARDIC PARK: THE LOST WEEKEND

Pardon the cheesy blog post title from a movie I haven’t seen since 1994 1997, and don’t remember anything about. I’m sure many of you have heard about this crazy ass snow storm that clobbered the living fuck out of the east coast last weekend? If not, good for you. Like all storms, I generally take what the meteorologists say with a grain Krusty O’s. 

But I’m a huge chicken when it comes to snow storms, so I worked from home on Friday. Good thing I did because much to my surprise, it actually did start snowing. I didn’t think it was going to be all that bad though, but I kept up with shoveling the back area because it’s surrounded by a fence and concrete wall. I woke up Saturday morning to let Zorro out. This happened:

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I had no idea how to react other than shouting “what in ACTUAL fuck?” aloud to myself. I then proceeded to be the world’s crappiest girlfriend, and woke Andy with my panic about how to get the dog out and if he thinks we have enough dish soap to last us the weekend. Yup.

He shoveled out the front door and made a path to through the back so we wouldn’t lose Zorro in a 4′ snow bank. I don’t know why I was so worried he would drown, he is half Siberian Husky after all. He cut through the snow banks like a freakin’ dolphin escaping tuna fishermen. I fell in a snow bank and he “saved” me by licking my face. Worst snow fake-rescue dog ever!

Normally our area is pretty well plowed. Apparently they forgot all about us, since it actually ya know, snowed a lot. Weird, I know! Also, my neighbors are morons who threw snow onto the street. I submitted a claim to have our street plowed, once Saturday afternoon rolled around and I ran out of things to do that involved not leaving the couch. They didn’t actually plow until Sunday. I was so mad! I’m so grateful to have snow pants because we got stir-crazy Saturday night and walked down the area where the bars are.

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monkey

I actually had to work from home on Monday again because they did the worst plow-job ever on my street. We also had a giant-ass snow bank blocking our driveway that we needed to kill. I decided to be “that guy” and submit another claim to have our street plowed. I figured it couldn’t hurt, they actually did come back and do another pass…on TUESDAY after I got home from work. Oh, Boston! 

During my weekend of pretend agoraphobia, I did get some stuff done. After being with the same car insurance company since I was 16, I decided to switch. I also became addicted to the Simpsons version of The Sims called, Tapped Out. I know you’re all jealous of my Krusty Burger and Jebediah Springfield statue! I also did not win a TV over the weekend from my nephews school raffle. What the heck man?! I needed to win it for Andy so it could be his Christmas gift for the next 7 years. Oh well…

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February 13, 2013 · 9:14 AM

OVERCOMPENSATING

I just noticed that I haven’t posted in over a month. Ooopsie! I had no idea I neglected my slice of the interwebz for that long. Sorry one reader! The trouble with being gone for so long, I’ve forgotten all the things I’ve done in past 42 days. Praise the Jebus for Google Calendar, I try to be “adulty” and update that with my activities. 

Since I last posted, I pre-registered for #BiSC this year and glad I did. It’s the last year and I’m a little sad to see it go. This will be my third year and hope it will be the best ever! I can’t wait to hear what new things Nicole has planned to replace the magical #BiSC. I’m also excited that Kelly is going to be my roomie this year! She is an ace at remembering to take pictures, I’m hoping it will remind me that I have a camera(s) and should USE IT (them)! I vary between over-doing it with picture-taking, or not taking enough. Frankly, I’d rather over-do it. This is the last year of #BiSC after all, TAKE ALL THE PICTURES!

I’m generally not one to do New Years resolutions, but I am trying to be more consistent with working out and travel more this year. Speaking of, after attending my BFF’s Lia Sophia party, I’ve decided to try out being an adviser.  I’m hosting my first party in a few weeks and can’t wait to try it out. It will be nice to have extra money for Vegas and Nashville. I also made a meager attempt at thinning out my handbag collection by selling a few on EBay. Anything I can do to plunk some change in my travel fund is okay in my eyes! Incidentally  is anyone looking for a lightly-used kidney? ;)

I feel a little bad for Andy, he thinks I don’t want to travel with him! I’m going to Vegas and Nashville/Memphis without him this year. The Nashville/Memphis trip was a random idea my BFF and I thought up while discussing Paul Simon lyrics. Don’t ask, we are strange people!  Instead of our Cape Cod trip in August, we are subbing it with Graceland and Nashville. Initially we were going to road trip, but after adding up costs and travel time, we thought it more practical to fly. I’m such a dork that I made an elaborate Excel spreadsheet breaking down costs. Now we’ll have to download some Elvis for the 3 hour drive from Nashville to Memphis. I also need some gold aviators and stick-on mutton chops. If I sell enough Lia Sophia this year, I could earn a spot to Hawaii in 2014. Maybe that will get Andy to forgive me?

I’m almost sorry to say I’ve decided to have an obsession with Ugg’s. #SorryImNotSorry! I had a pair a few years ago that I ended up selling on EBay (noticing a trend here?). In retrospect, I should have selected a pair with a shorter boot shaft and went one size down. I didn’t realize the brand runs a little big, I felt like I was stomping around like an elephant. I do recall almost knocking over Andy’s floor lamp with my Ugg hooves, which was when I decided to chuck them. I’m much more satisfied with this pair and may have ordered another (oops!). Let’s not mention the few more saved in my wishlist, eep!  It’s cool though, I’ll be selling jewelry to satisfy my shoe-buying problem and wanderlust. *gulp*

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This is turning out to be a long post, I think I’m going to put the rest of it into another. It’s mostly complaints about being old, I’m sure you are really excited to read it. 

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January 2, 2013 · 1:59 PM

GIRAFFES AND THE PROPER WAY TO EAT A CANDY CANE

I’m sad to be back at work after 11 days off. I had a great time over the holidays, which is why I’ve blogged zero times. Oops! I’ll try to remember to do a NYE recap at least. I’m sure everyone is falling off their seats to hear about that. *cough* Anyway, since I was off for so long, I threw off my sleep schedule.

Taking advice from a friend with mild insomnia, I tried Melatonin. Sometimes when I have trouble sleeping, I’ll just take Benadryl. This time, I wanted to try something new. Melatonin was a freaking experience, and not a restful one. It actually kinda bothered my stomach a little bit. I couldn’t fall asleep for a good hour and a half due to a little stomach pain (okay, I admit to eating SpongeBob mac and cheese for dinner that night). Once that was over, I was feeling hyper. I couldn’t sleep because any sound made my heart race. 

Once on the fringes of sleep, I experienced very vivid dreams and random thoughts. I remember thinking about giraffes, serial killers, venomous snakes, and rescuing dogs and keeping them in an abandoned home. Seriously? Normally I don’t have adverse reactions to PM cold medicine or Advil. It reminded me of the first time I took Claritin years ago (before they changed their formula), and felt like I was on crack. 

In unrelated news, I’ve been eating candy canes wrong my whole life. I always want to eat them hook side first. You should really eat them from the bottom. So much easier! So glad this lack of sleep is helping me eat candy properly.

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November 26, 2012 · 7:20 AM

BEER, TURKEYS, REUNIONS, AND ANNIVERSARIES!

Having the past five days off form work has been less than relaxing to say the least. I started off with some Thanksgiving Eve drinks in my BF’s hometown. Our friend came back to visit from AZ, so it was nice to see him. I had fun except at the last bar we went to. It was too crowded and I got crammed into a corner right next to the entrance. This annoyed me to the point where I actually left the bar alone, and walked down the street to a less crowded Mexican place. I enjoyed a water and a margarita in that sparsely populated bar. It was so nice and relaxing! Then I psyched myself up to return to the bar I dubbed the “7th circle,” as we all thought it was like hell (or Burma). I had to go back before my boyfriend noticed I had been gone wandering alone, for close to an hour. Ooops!

Andy doesn’t like his picture taken. ;)

My camera is “too fancy” for Andy to operate correctly. He took a sequence of 20 photos before I told him to stop.

Beer. Yup.

I passed by a manger on my walk to the Mexican Pub. Someone already stole the baby Jesus!

I had a great Thanksgiving with my family. Thankfully, my nephews didn’t return festering with ticks this year. When I got home, I wasted no time putting up my Christmas decorations. We don’t have many ornaments, but were going next week for some.

Tree Topper

Living Room

Our “freeunion” HS reunion went very well. So well in fact, some have requested another meet up! It was great to catch up with people at a hometown bar without having to buy $75 tickets!

@ginntastic and myself!

Last night, Andy and I celebrated our nine year (NINE) anniversary. We tried this new Brazilian style steakhouse in Boston called, Fogo de Chao. I think the nine year anniversary should be the steak anniversary. It was delicious! You start at the unlimited salad bar. Then you get double-sided steak cards for when you’re ready for steak. When you flip them to green, waiters each toting different steaks, begin to appear at your table. They will slice you cuts of what you want. It was nuts! I tried about seven different kinds of steak. I finally had to flip my card to red so I could start trying some. My favorite was probably the bacon-wrapped filet mignon. It was a great night, it’s always fun to get dressed up!

New shoes and tights!

I love this new bag!

This picture sux because my “MySpace self-portrait” skillz are rusty.

Yummy martini and caramelized bananas!

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November 14, 2012 · 9:00 AM

HOW ABOUT A FREEUNION INSTEAD?

I’ve been wondering for the past couple of months when my 10-year (TEN YEAR) high school reunion would be. I figured I would get something on Facebook or in the mail. Nope, neither. Finally getting the better of my non-existent short-term memory, I remembered to Google it the other night. It turns out we do have a reunion planned, and for a mere $75 (SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS), I can be crammed into a painfully trendy bar with people I didn’t care enough about to keep in touch with. Sounds awesome, right? *crickets*

Thing is, I had no problem the other night spending definitely more that $75 on some new Coach bags (ON SALE). Yet, spending $75 on a reunion ticket just seemed ludicrous. I texted Ginny upon my Googled discovery. I had to see if it was only me that thought $75 was outrageous. Thank goodness for BFF’s, she agreed. Instead we’re just going to pick a bar in our hometown and send FB invites to people we like that we graduated with. How much will this endeavor cost? That all depends on how much cheap beer we plan to drink. Problem solved! 

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November 13, 2012 · 2:30 PM

I FINISHED HARRY POTTER AND A POST UNRELATED TO THIS ACHIEVEMENT

I have been bit by the Christmas bug. I already bought my pre-lit tree (blue-of course!), stockings, tree topper, tree skirt, wreath (named her Wreatha Franklin), and mantle decorations.We’re not setting anything up until after turkey day. I think my tree is going to be smaller than I thought when it’s set, but I live in an apartment so I don’t exactly need a 7′ fir tree (maybe?). But I’ll be “nstagramming” the shit out of my living room once it’s all set up.

 Andy and I don’t typically do couples costumes for Halloween. Read: he doesn’t do couples costumes for Halloween. This year I was R2D2 and he an Angry Bird. I found out last week, Angry Birds released a Star Wars edition of the game. Which is the awesomest thing EVER.  So HA, we did technically a couples costume this year. Now I have to somehow trick him into a couples costume for next year. This will not be easy. I can’t rely on the Angry Birds people to read my mind again. 

 I drove down to my BFF’s house 40 miles away this weekend. We always do sushi at the same place, and haven’t had sushi anywhere else that matches it. With Halloween being one of my favorite holidays, I got the “back by popular demand” Halloween roll. This place sometimes does really cool plate art. When my food arrived, I was a little confused. Is it a flying potato? Overweight bird? Nope, we concluded it was a ghost/angel since I got the Halloween roll. 

The Great Ghoul of Sushi!

Once our bellies were full of delicious food, we rolled on over for some outlet shopping. One of the places we went was Coach. Mind you, I just got a new bag for my birthday a couple months ago. But, they lure you in with their coupons and sale prices. I couldn’t leave empty handed. I got a couple new bags. I know, I have no will power! Nope, none! 

Now after shopping on Saturday night, most people would probably stop by some random place to get drinks. We are not most people. We went back to her area bought some perler beads, and did crafts in her basement. I know, we are sad people. But we enjoy our crafts! Check out the necklaces I made. 

Luigi

Moby Dick!

My friend made this Mario. We’re going to wear our Mario & Luigi necklaces to a show in a couple weeks.

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October 23, 2012 · 9:16 AM

BOOTS, ROBOTS, AND DANCING TREES

I’m very sad that I need to retire my favorite pair of brown boots. They’ve been with me since 2009! After doing some searching, I think I’ve found a replacement pair. The only issue, they are about $20 cheaper on this sketchy-ish website. I think I should just play it safe and pay more from a trusted online retailer. I was going to get a pair from work, but I’d have to wait another month for them to get more boot options in. I can’t wait that long! 

Hello new boots, you have a lot to live up to!

I went to a really fun costume party over the weekend. It was held by some musician friends, which meant professional sound systems and lighting. Pretty sweet! We had a lot of fun ruling the beer pong table for awhile. I was dressed as R2D2 and made friends with a flamingo, ninja turtle, Jem, and Princess Leia. Surprised? ;) I also danced like a robot with my new pirate friend. We all tried to avoid the guy that came dressed in jeans and hoodie with dozens of tree branches sticking out of his body. The floor was covered in leaves by nights end. This party was much more fun than the weird one last weekend in Brookline. As mentioned, I have three costume parties on Saturday. I highly doubt we’ll make all three, but 1-2 should be feasible. 

My awesome-o R2D2 costume re-purposed from a Tin Man. I think I’m going to cut off the shoulder pads, reads a little football player.

My R2D2 cap I made from a bowl. I have to find more glow sticks to put in the scope.

Cool light show!

My pirate-pumpkin beer selection for the night.

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October 17, 2012 · 8:40 AM

ASSHOLES AND EARTHQUAKES

I think I need to “see other people” in regards to my relationship with Facebook. I’m just sick of politics! It’s a topic I don’t like to discuss, mostly because my opinions  greatly differ from the majority of people my age. I also don’t like to argue with people over things we have no control over. I get that people are passionate about their views, but don’t agree with their views being shoved down my throat.

Guess what? I don’t give a flying fig if you’re republican, democrat, Episcopalian  independent, or insane. You won’t convert me, stop trying. In the same respect, I won’t try to convert people. At the end of the day, I don’t care if someone agrees with me.  It’s great that some people care so much! If you think you can make a difference, please go right ahead. I might sign your petition or help your cause.  For me, it takes too much energy to get invested in something that you can’t control. I keep myself educated and when the time comes, I vote for the lesser of two evils. I like the option of choosing a candidate from whatever party. I don’t want to be pigeon-holed into one category. There are things I like within each party and things I’m vehemently against. I will never find a perfect fit and I don’t expect it.

Politicians are all a bunch of assholes that think they know what is best for you anyway.  They don’t know you! To be fair, no person in office will ever make decisions that everybody agrees with. I used to get angry, but it takes a lot to hate something you can’t change. The best I can do is wait to the end of term, and hope the country or state isn’t up in flames. 

Oh yes, apparently there was an earthquake in the sticks of Maine last night (to be honest, every place in Maine is the sticks). I was on the couch and thought my dog was pawing at it. I was about to tell him to stop, when I realized he was at the front door. I turned to my boyfriend and asked if he felt that. He confirmed, and we went to the basement to be sure the boiler didn’t explode. Our neighbors also asked if we felt the house shake. We then decided to wait a few minutes and check the news to see if it was an earthquake. This is the second earthquake I’ve felt in a year or so. Dear Earth, please stop shaking! My poor dog thinks he is responsible!

Earthquake devistation!

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October 10, 2012 · 8:29 AM

PARTY ROCK IN DA HOUSE/SHITTY MOVIE INTERVENTION

The next remaining weekends of October will be jam packed with parties. This should be interesting! As a matter of fact, the Saturday before Halloween I have three parties in the same night. I will probably only end up going to one or two. The good news is that I finished my costume this weekend. I’m going to keep it under wraps until we get closer to Halloween. Since I’m too lazy to actually make a costume, a lot of the time I’ll buy one and re-purpose it into a different costume. Like the time I was Alice in Chains by wearing an Alice in Wonderland costume with chain accessories. This time, it’s a bit more involved than just adding chains! But I will say the costume will be transformed from the Tin (wo)Man.

I don’t have any Halloween decorations up, I’m not sure if I will. I’ve been too lazy to make a trip to the Christmas Tree Shop  or the Job Lot for bargain decorations. There aren’t even any kids in my neighborhood so I don’t think I’ll buy candy. Okay, so I’ll probably buy candy and eat it all on my couch.

I love Halloween!

Oh yeah, I finally watched Dark Shadows  and was disappointed. I’ve been picking really shitty movies to rent lately. I think I need a shitty movie intervention.

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