Looking back on my formative years, I was so tame. I rarely did anything “bad”. I do recall a few instances where I broke the rules though.

Elementary school:

1) I “beat up” this pain in the ass kid one grade below me. He was like the slimey reincarnation of Ferg-Wad. You would have beat him up too! I remember a girl that lives on my street told on me, TRAITOR! My ex-nun 4th grade teacher scolded me, and I began to cry. Thankfully I wasn’t sent to the principals office for shoving this kid around, and organizing a small lynch mob to go after him. Although I regret pushing this kid around, he seemed unfazed by us. He probably enjoyed all the attention he was getting from us older girls.

2) My friend and I stole a coffee can filled with POGS during recess one time. We were never caught. I went over to her house after school to split up our “bounty”. I definitely feel bad about this one. We stole from our classmate whose mother passed away that year. Unfortunately, that didn’t motivate us to come clean, or leave an anonymous coffee tin of POGS in his cubby. 

3) My friend and I thought it would be a “good idea” to steal one of his dad’s discarded cigarette butts. We tried to smoke it, but ended up hacking up a lung from the one drag we took off it.Another time, we also almost burned down his house because we thought Smokey The Bear was full of shit. We got into serious trouble for that!

Middle School:

1) I hated gym. HATED GYM! Since I harbored such disdain for it, I constantly “forgot” my clothes. One time I was actually written up and sent to our vice principals office.  I recall a girl snickered at me after I was called down over the PA system, while tears and gasps escaped from my 13-year-old body. Our VP didn’t do anything to me. I cried in his office and all he could manage to get in edgewise was, “well, you’re clearly upset. Please just remember to bring your gym clothes going forward”. He didn’t call my parents, I wanted to kiss his bad hair piece. This later lead to the establishment of the “I Hate Gym Club” (IHGC), where we imitated Daria. I also threw the arrows during our unit on archery, my teacher never caught me. I still can’t stand archery or volley ball.

2) My best friend convinced me to skip my reading/literature class during the last period of the day. This plan didn’t go well from the start. We were to wait out the bells in one of the girls bathrooms. While waiting, one of my friends was making fun of a former friend. Turns out, my former friend was in the stall next to her and overheard the whole thing. We quickly escaped to another bathroom, where MY READING TEACHER WALKED IN AND SAID HELLO TO ME. I told my friend that I should just go to class now. But I fell for the peer pressure and still continued with our mission. Plan B was to hide our back packs in a back stairwell that was seldom used…it was also RIGHT OUTSIDE MY READING CLASS. We hid our bags and were about to leave the building, when my VICE PRINCIPAL was walking down the stair case with TWO CLASSMATES IN MY READING CLASS. One of them was a serious douche and ratted me out. “That’s Germana, she is supposed to be in my reading class. I don’t know what she is doing out here.” Boy, could that man yell. He yelled so loud, I’m sure my reading class could hear him. I was escorted to my locker to grab my books and continue my walk of shame to class. Humiliation wasn’t over yet, folks. Our VP told my teacher to write me up…really loudly I might add. All my teacher could say was, “You want me to write Germana up?!” I tried to tip-toe back to my desk where one of my friends was asking me what happened. My teacher never wrote me up, and my parents were never called. I spent the whole weekend in a state of terror, waiting for the hammer to fall. It never did. I did plot my 8th grade revenge against my classmate that ratted me out. I got his AOL name and made him think some girl had a crush on him. *cackles*

3) I went through a short-lived klepto phase with one of my friends. We took a bunch of cheap rings and trinkets from some stores. I think this only lasted about a week or so before I quit stealing. My friend continued to do it until she was caught and had to return the items to the store. 

High School:

1) I started things off on the right foot at one of my first high school dances. I was sitting at a table with some friends when two inebriated seniors approached. One of them was a bit skittish and didn’t talk much. The other sat down with a cup full of raspberry vodka. He asked if we wanted to try, I did. I don’t know why, maybe I just wanted to seem cool? Anyway, the skittish one spoke to us a little bit and wandered off to a table by himself. The other was still talking to me and I was afraid to tell him what my real name was. I went by the name Michelle that night, and we continued to make small talk while sipping vodka. The guy eventually wandered off and wanted me to watch his drink. All the while, his creepy/skittish friend was eyeballing me from an empty table across the caf. I think I eventually dismissed myself from this kid and went to dance with friends. I didn’t get caught drinking, Praise Jebus. I don’t think I had vodka again until my freshmen year of college.
1B) One of my best friends moved to a town about 45 minutes away. Sometimes she would come up and stay the weekend. I wanted her to go to our school dances with me, so I actually made a forged school ID with MS Paint and her semi-formal picture. It came out pretty damn good, if I do say so. I might still have it somewhere. It was quite the work of art…

2) Continuing with my loathing toward the sport of volley ball, I would often draw up a gym dismissal form and forge my mothers signature. My gym teacher always believed me. I told one of my friends, and she tried to pull the same trick. She got caught and sent to the principals office. I should have proofread her note for her!

3) During senior year, I dyed my hair “burn a hole in your retina” pink. It was NEON, seriously neon. Unfortunately, I can’t find any pictures of my crazy hair color. My mother almost beat the crap out of me when I walked in with my new found hair color. It was permanent, by the way. I had to wear a head scarf for a few weeks before my mother calmed down. Thankfully, they were in style at the time. 

4) I had a friend senior year that rarely showed up to school. Once she got her 86′ Camaro, we barely saw her. She skipped quite frequently. I skipped with her on occasion because I made sure that the “do not call during absense” box was checked on my emergency card. I remember one time we went to the mall and I was dared to speak with a British accent while dealing with sales associates. I told them I was an exchange student from Liverpool. My friend almost peed her pants, she was laughing so hard. I tried to also be a French exchange student, but I ended up sounding like Pierre Escargot.  Another time we went with two other friends in her Chrysler New Yorker. It was around Christmas time and our school did a Toys For Tots drive with each homeroom. They ended up stealing various things for the kid they were sponsoring from  toy stores. I didn’t end up stealing anything, but they did “procure” me a pink Chihuahua bobble head doll for my car. Thankfully, we weren’t caught! She did accidentally hit a parked car though, while we were looking for a spot…oops! 

That’s all I can remember. Gosh, I was such a bad-ass 😉

UP Next: Vermont trip recap post, bday party recap post. I’ll get to those eventually…



Filed under annoyances, childhood, funny

3 responses to “LOOKING BACK

  1. POGGGSSSS!!!!! The fact you didn’t include an amazing image of pogs slightly dampered my deep-rooted memory moment of back in the day buffet hey-day. I was trying to find oilies, the stickers, the other day, they seem to have vanished except in the UK

  2. This comment is coming waaaaaaaay late but I remember a bunch of these events ha ha

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