READER BEWARE, YOU’RE IN FOR A SCARE

My co-worker and I got to talking about Goosebumps books and TV series the other day. I was all up in that shiz in elementary school, garnering a collection of 50 books before I stopped reading it. But this conversation reminded me that the (sometimes) awesome people over at Netflix, added the TV series to instant streaming.  As kid, the TV show spooked me a little. It probably scared me more than Are You Afraid of the Dark? Which was odd, because I knew what was going to happen since I read all the books!

Anyway, watching Goosebumps as an adult, I have a hard time trying to not poke fun at the thin plot lines. I’ve summed up some key moments from a few episodes. SPOILER ALERT, I do reveal plot lines!

—–

“The Girl Who Cried Monster”:

This begins with a girl constantly scaring her brother by telling him is going to be attacked by monsters. Her mother sends her to the library for Reading Rangers. We enter the library where the girl tells creepy librarian dude with a heavy Canadian accent,  she would have liked the book Black Beauty if it contained monsters. The creepy librarian guy sighs, and sends her off to find another book. On her way home, she she forgot her “blades” in the library. In case you don’t know, blades is 1990s’ Canadian kid slang for Roller Blades. She returns to the library, and finds creepy librarian dude loudly feeding crickets to pet tarantulas near the front desk. Apparently people in this community don’t go to the library in the afternoon, it’s deserted. Anyway, while feeding the spiders, he also eats crickets and turns into a monster. She runs home and nobody believes her story. She grabs her hot pink camera and heads back to the library the next afternoon.

She successfully took pictures of the librarian as a monster, but forgot to shut off the flash. Rookie mistake, kid! The monster-arian chases her through the aisles and she narrowly escapes. The monster-arian follows her home and tries to get into her house. When her parents return, she persuades them to get the film developed.The pictures don’t show the monster, and the parents invite him to dinner. At dinner, (PLOT TWIST) the parents turn into monsters and they eat the librarian! The kids apparently know they are monsters-in-training, and yet the brother is afraid of monster stories? Get your act together, R.L. Stein!

 

“Let’s Get Invisible”:

Two brothers and a girl are going through items in an attic. The boys discover a false wall in the attic of their home, that leads to a room with a giant 1990s’ style mirror that is supposed to look antique. They find a light switch on the mirror and the older brother turns it on and suddenly becomes invisible. He switches the light back off and becomes visible. They soon discover the longer they stay invisible, the harder it is to come back. It’s harder to come back because the kids enter this frozen space behind the mirror where your reflection tries to take over. Anyway, the best part of this episode is below. I was trying not to laugh hysterically at the cheesy “frozen mirror land”. At the end, they discover the younger brother was taken over by his frozen self.  PLOT TWIST! 

frozen

 

“The Phantom  (but not of the opera because R.L Stein doesn’t want to be sued, yo) of the Auditorium” :

A school is putting on a play. This play is supposedly haunted because when the school first opened, the original phantom disappeared under the stage trap door and was never found. The girl selected as the lead runs into a creepy night janitor called Emile after night rehearsal. He tells her to go away and then she starts to get threatening messages in her locker to leave the play. She doesn’t listen, and the kids find out there is no night janitor.

They decide to investigate one night and go down the trap door. They find someone is living down there and Emilie sees them and chases them away dressed as the phantom. They call the police and they don’t find Emilie. They also have a new kid at school called Jason who couldn’t be on the cast, so is helping with the set. At the premiere, the kid playing the phantom gets temporarily knocked out on the trap door and replaced by Jason without anyone knowing. They then find an old year book from 1923 and find Jason’s picture there, who was the kid that disappeared from the original school play. This episode wasn’t that bad, except they don’t really tell you what the deal is with the night janitor, especially since the ghost is an actual kid. 

 

“An Old Story (of how my Aunt Deliah is a pimp)”:

This one is really weird. Two boys are left alone while their parents are away on vacation, so they think! The mysterious Aunt Delilah enters and begins cooking up a storm. She forces the boys to eat these weird cookies with moving fudge frosting. The next morning the boys look about 90 years old. The aunt then calls over two old biddies who size (the now old nephews) up. It turns out the aunt aged the boys TO SELL THEM TO OLD LADIES FOR MONEY! Like seriously? That is some fucked up shit, Stein. For realz! Thankfully they discover baby food reverses the age effect, but in another PLOT TWIST one of the boys has too much and turns into a baby. Whoa snap!

 

Click”:

Take the plot from the movie “Click“, but this is how you get your email:

email

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