CRAPPY MOVIE ROUNDUP

Since I’ve been off work for my “12 Days of Leisure™”, I’ve had time to watch some movies and find ones I will never see. I found a couple of them to have deceiving previews, which just ain’t right! 

PAIN AND GAIN

When I saw the previews for this, it made it seem like a comedy. Let me tell you, it wasn’t a fucking comedy. I should have researched it more before spending $5 to rent it. Apparently it’s based off a true story, and the true story isn’t funny either. WTF?! Maybe the movie would have been almost okay if I had known it wasn’t going to be funny.  Can I get a refund please?

DON JON

I hate to use the term “rom com”, but that’s what the previews made it seem like. Spoiler alert, IT’S NOT A ROM COM! It’s about a dude that has a serious masturbation and porn addiction. That’s pretty much it, don’t bother with it. Only watch it if you want to make someone really uncomfortable. I have no idea how I sat through the entire movie, it was fucking painful. No amount of shirtless Joseph Gordon-Levitt could redeem this masturbatory flop. 

COOL AS ICE

I saw this on HBO Go and knew I had to watch it! It’s some serious round-up of early ’90s kitsch your eyes will every have the honor of watching. The dance scenes and wardrobes alone are enough to sustain this flick, but let’s throw in some bad acting and Vanilla Ice to make this truly epic.

“It aint’ about where you from, it’s about where you at” – Vanilla Ice

HER

Fool me once movie preview people, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Thankfully there will be no third time, as the previews alone are PAINFUL to watch. In all honesty, I didn’t think it was a real movie preview. I was thinking it was a new annoying Apple commercial. One that’s supposed to make me cry over computers doing things ALL computers are made to do. I don’t get this movie, at all. AT ALL. If someone paid me 10 million dollars in Louboutin shoes, I would still not see it. Why did anyone think it would be awesome to see a movie where a pathetic guy falls in love with a talking computer? I think they are relying on the fact Joaquin Phoenix is in this, and the “computer” being played by Scarlett Johansson to redeem it. 

 

 

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Filed under annoyances, celebrities, funny, random

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