I had a feeling when I started celebrating over my annoying motorcycle “mechanic” neighbor FINALLY moving, he would be replaced with someone even more annoying. I don’t know what it is about the place across the street, it’s like a mecca for weird and or loud people. Most of which end up moving out after a few months, not sure why this 2-family house seems to be a revolving door of annoying people. But I’m guessing the landlord must do short-term leases. I wish they would stop, short-term leases attract weirdos like a serial killer convention that gives away knives in their gift bags. 

In retrospect, I think motorcycle guy over the last year or so finally trashed his dream of being a mechanic. So he became significantly less annoying. The motorcycle sat there unused this year (can I get an AMEN?!), otherwise he would just start it up and sit on it for 40 minutes with motor running LOUDLY. While he may have given up on his motorcycle, he didn’t drop his extremely assaholic friend that I not-so lovingly dubbed “Nickelback Douche”.

Nickelback Douche got his name because he drives a Hummer with one of those flat beds in the back that is too narrow to be functional and just makes you look like a moron for investing in one to begin with. I call it the El Camino of Hummers. I’m not sure if he actually has a legitimate hearing impairment or not, but he insists on blasting (and there is no room for exaggeration here folks) Nickleback or some other equally unfortunate band from said El Camino Hummer. This friend is the reason why I couldn’t remove Motorcycle “Mechanic” from my douchey neighbor list. 

When he finally moved, my celebration was short-lived. He was replaced by the man I call “The Serb”. Now I don’t think this man is actually Serbian, but he is likely of Eastern European decent. The Serb likes to get really hammered on the weekends and yell into a phone or to his friend on the front porch between the hours of 3AM-8AM without a break.

I jokingly told Andy I might be heading to prison, because I may lose my shit and clip out his vocal cords with a 12″ machete.  He told me to call the cops, easy for him since he sleeps like a rock and The Serb doesn’t wake him. That sounds great and all, but the police dispatchers in my area are lazy and make you call 9-1-1 for noise complaints*. I feel weirdly guilty calling the 9-1-1 people over a non-violent noise complaint, so that’s why I haven’t done it. But frankly, that might need to happen if The Serb doesn’t learn to control the volume of his voice. 


*I know this because I tried to file a noise complaint against Nickelback Douche  once when he left his first Hummer idling outside Motorcycle “Mechanic’s” house blasting Nickelback for 40 minutes when NOBODY WAS EVEN IN THE VEHICLE! Shortly after my call, he finally ran out to his car and turned it off (I’m guessing he probably was running out of gas). I don’t understand this moron AT ALL.


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Filed under annoyances, funny, random, weekend

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