I HOPE THIS SONG GOES TO HELL

Sorry blog, I’ve been neglectful! I’ve been enjoying summer and haven’t made time for blogging. But I took an early lunch from work, and am currently sitting at the sketchy gas station to get an inspection sticker for my car. The attendant is blasting mariachi music from his phone, and giving me the low-down on the lady that just got pulled over nearby.

So I guess that means now is the perfect time to blog! Except, blogging about what I’ve been up to the last few weeks seems exhausting. So instead, I’m going to snark the shit out of the lyrics to “Gives you Hell” by All-American Rejects. Why am I so annoyed by a single that was released in 2007ish? I can’t be sure. When it first came out, I didn’t pay much attention to the lyrics. But now my local alt-rock station insists on playing it 3x a day, so I’m forced to listen. For the sake of brevity, I’m only posting parts of the lyrics here.

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Gives You Hell-

All-American Rejects [Well reject is already in your name, so you got me there!]

I wake up every evening [Wow, so you slept all day? You sound like a huge winner already! #sarcasm]
With a big smile on my face [Eww.]
And it never feels out of place [Ha, like presumably your wardrobe?] 
And you’re still probably working
At a nine to five pace [Hold up, are you seriously trying to make fun of someone for HAVING A JOB?! What the fuck did you ever do with your life, aside from writing shitty lyrics? She sounds like a strong independent woman (or man, if that tickles your fancy).]

I wonder how bad that tastes [LOL, well he/she isn’t dating your loser-ass anymore. So I’m sure it tastes like the best fucking chocolate cake they’ve ever had!]
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell [Again, LOL! Yeah, wanna run the hell away to avoid having an awkward conversation with you. Also to avoid smelling your BO from not having showered, since you slept 48 hours straight.]
****

Now where’s your picket fence love [He/she is working on it. They have that thing, it’s called a JOB.]
And where’s that shiny car [Probably driving it around. Meanwhile, you’re sitting at a bus station with a stained shirt, since your mom forgot to do your laundry.]
And did it ever get you far [Uh, yeah. Have car, will travel.]
You never seemed so tense love [He/she probably wanted to get as far away from your stench as possible. I’d be tense too, tensely plugging up my nose!]
I’ve never seen you fall so hard [You’re probably confusing their sympathy for you, with “falling so hard”. Narf!]
Do you know where you are [Yep, that shiny new car has GPS. They were able to add it on…ya know…with money from that job thing.]

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I’m lying [Well, which is it?]

***

If you find a man that’s worth a damn and treats you well
Then he’s a fool you’re just as well [Well that is just mean. This person who broke up with you, sounds way to good for this shit. You should be happy they have found someone that isn’t a loser. Also, maybe use that as a jumping off point to get a job, take a shower, move out of  your mom’s house, get a car?]

Tomorrow you’ll be thinking to yourself
Where’d it all go wrong? [Yeah, probably questioning why they ever dated you in the first place. Cuz their life is pretty awesome without you leeching off it.]
But the list goes on and on [What list? We know it wouldn’t be a grocery list, because you probably don’t have that kind of money.]

****

Now you’ll never see
What you’ve done to me [LOL, except these shitty song lyrics are pretty evident.]
You can take back your memories
They’re no good to me [I’m sure they want to “Eternal Sunshine” you from memory. I don’t even know you, and I want to do the same.]
And here’s all your lies [Well nobody is perfect. He/she was likely trying not to hurt your feelings.]
You can’t look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well [haha, it’s called feeling sorry for you.]

 

When you hear this song
I hope that it will treat you well [Bravo! You’re starting to show signs of maturity.]

You can sing along
I hope that it puts you through hell [Well now you just lost the half point for maturity. I’m sure they’ve never heard your shitty song, so moot point there, adolescent.]

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Filed under annoyance, annoyances, awesome, band, fun, funny, lol, music, random, rant

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